We present “THE IMPOSSIBLE TRIPTYCH, selections from a series of unperformable works never to be staged only by the Aesthetic of Waste”
A SINGLE DOWN OF EXTREME PARKING LOT CHICKEN FIGHTING – An Impossible Play by Seth Larson
One performer rushes out of the theater.
Two performers stand astride from each other center stage. The remaining two performers climb aboard their shoulders. Like world-weary gladiators, stolen as youths from their homeland to die upon the Coliseum floors of yore, the two large figures stride out towards the parking lot. They beckon the audience to follow them.
Upon arriving outside, the gladiators square off. The first performer flips on the flood lights. He begins spraying the combatants with a high pressure hose. Like wildcats, our fighters begin to shriek and tear into each other’s flesh with their nails and teeth. The theater’s parking lot glows red with the gleam of blood.
Two bodies will lay broken.
The victors herald the audience back inside with them, where celebratory concubines and crudité await them.
DON’T PIDDLE WHERE YOU FIDDLE – An Impossible Play by Seth Larson
Two spots light up opposite corners of a sparse set.c
Up stage right, Yo-Yo Ma sits on a cube with his familiar cello case. It has to be Yo-Yo Ma; accept no lesser virtuosos.
Down stage left, Seth Larson stands with his back to Yo-Yo Ma facing a bucket. It has to be Seth Larson; accept no lesser performance artists.
Yo-Yo Ma tenderly opens his case. He is immediately horrified to find his beloved cello replaced with a simple fiddle. Yo-Yo Ma is disgusted, outraged.
As Yo-Yo Ma begins to begrudgingly play a country dirge on the fiddle, Seth pees into the bucket.
WHAT’S THAT SOUND? – An Impossible Play by Seth Larson
All performers stand on stage, facing south with their hand cupping their ear.
“What’s that sound?”, they say.
The theater is then rattled by the deafening sound of the Tower of America collapsing. The Wastrels flee. The show ends.
Author’s Note: These texts are hypothetical and should not be taken as a real threat by the prying eyes of the government.
Seth Larson is a performance artist from San Antonio. He is a founding member of the Aesthetic of Waste and has collaboratively written and directed several pieces of theater.